What’s On…? Nothing.

(Firstly, you’ll have to forgive me not doing this earlier but I foolishly burnt my finger tip the other day and it was painful to type so I’ve only just got round to updating)

I love watching TV shows.

However, in the UK we have only 5 channels on our standard telly; BBC1 and 2, ITV, Channel 4 and Five (we call this ‘Terrestrial’). They don’t get new hit shows very swiftly, if at all. BSG has never appeared on terrestrial, Fringe certainly hasn’t and neither has True Blood. Lost was on C4, but only for a few seasons, then they packed it in.

Sky1 shows a couple of shows (I know they show Lost and did show BSG but I’m not so sure now). The Sci-Fi channel shows BSG. But if you don’t pay umpteen pounds a month (which I can’t afford at the mo’) for Virgin (as it is called now; it used to be NTL – though most just refer to it as ‘Cable’) or Sky, you’re pretty buggered.

Fortunately, when my girlfriend and I moved in together, she brought along her Freeview digital box (fyi, that’s not some form of uber-cheap computerised lady-part but a reciever of televisual channelage). This means that, in addition to the 5 standard terrestrial channels, we get a shed load more channels – some are good; E4, More4, C4+1, Film4, UKTV History (though only intermittently at the mo’), Dave, ITV2 (I’m listing this purely for the comical genious that is the American Idol auditions) and Virgin 1 (along with a couple of music channels and LOADS of radio stations), some are… not so good; Sky3, SmileTV, Fiver (named after the price they pay for some of their shows I think), QVC, The Community Channel, BidTV, BBC Parliament and many more (along with a few of the music channels) – but none of THESE show the shows I want to watch either!

Unfortunately in the UK we don’t make shows like Fringe, BSG, Lost, True Blood, Deadwood, Firefly or even Star Trek. We are a nation devoid of slightly more niche-oriented, high-value (and cost) programming, and if you want a British sci-fi you’re going to have to watch Dr. Who and, personally, I’d rather spend that hour shooting off my own leg with a potato gun, rubbing the stump in a heady concoction of salt, pepper, vinegar and rosemary (because I like the smell, that’s why) and sticking my dismembered toes up my bottom. Torchwood is only marginally better. We don’t make groundbreaking drama in the UK, channels don’t have enough cash to spend $1,000,000 on one episode of one series (I’m sure that most of the episodes of all series’ don’t cost this much, but they can and this is as good an example as any!).

So, we who want this kind of programming must turn to the might of the USA. Which means that, while I’m watching Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Fringe or True Blood, the ratings for those channels that I might have watched – had they had the balls to buy, or the bigger balls to make, the shows I want to see – will go down by one while I’m not there. And another one when my friend tunes out to watch Lost. And another two when his friend and her boyfriend tune out to watch Dexter. And another five, six, ten, twelve, twenty, fifty, a hundred, five hundred, two thousand, etc., etc., until no one is watching their shows, they get less money from advertising, they constantly play re-runs, they let staff go, and finally, twitching in the harsh light of reality, they disappear altogether.

I just want to watch some good TV.

Cheers!

NBM

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~ by ninjabreadmen on February 3, 2009.

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